To Be Honest

by summer dietsche

I’ve never been in love, I’ll confess

not the romantic, sexual, burning love everyone always talks about anyway

I’ve never been consumed by the way someone kissed me,

my mind made numb and hollow by some passion they had – as if kisses could quell the thundering of thoughts in my head

I’ve never been held together by a look in someone’s eyes,

but then again, I was never around them long enough to remember what color their eyes were

I’ve never felt that hole in my chest

that’s supposed to crack open when everything you thought you had together changes into muddled memories of someone else’s fantasy

Truth is, when I broke up with him, I was relieved the others, too

I’d listen so carefully to the words that popped from their lips

waiting hesitantly for them to say something that would dispel my restless trepidations

Can you imagine that?

Me, waiting like a fragile flower for the sun to shine down before I could bloom and burn with everything I was meant to be?

But I’m not a flower, and I’ve never needed the sun before

So I guess, what I’m trying to say,

is sure, I’ll go out with you

but I can’t promise I’ll want you back when you leave me for someone else